Consequenses
by ankh indeed
Summary: Tuvok and.. yes.. who is she really? Try to figure it out. R&R Please.


Title: Consequences  
  
Author: Ankh' - ankh_indeed@hotmail.com  
  
Series: VOY  
  
Pairings: Tu/f  
  
Rating: R  
  
***I'm standing in the middle of an unfurnished, but warm, pleasant room. The lighting is very sparse but it is still enough to let the person behind me cast a dim shadow. I feel a hot and soft breath on my neck and I immediately want to turn around to put my arms around him, but I can't move. I feel lips resting on my shoulder and my breathing is increasing with the arousal induced by the sheer intimacy of the situation. I want more now. I want his hands on my body. I want to feel the erection I know is there, but I still can't move, and he never moves. My body is desperately trying to reach him and my mind is crying out -- Please! Please don't do this to me! I need you! I here a sigh behind me and he is gone.***  
  
I woke up with a gasp and in tangled sheets, a fever burning within me and tears flowing down my face. After a quick shower my head cleared and I realized I wouldn't be able to sleep more tonight, so I left my quarters.  
  
I stepped into the mess hall, first thinking it was empty as it should have been this time of night, but then I saw him, standing with his back to me looking out the window at the nebula we were currently passing. I froze in both body and mind as I stared at the lean, very still and so familiar curve of his back. I believe he was aware of my presence the moment I walked through the doors, but he didn't show it. He just stood there, without moving a muscle, and waiting for me to speak first.  
  
I went to stand beside him, quite close but not by far as close as I would have wanted. Outside the window the nebula was displaying its most spectacular show, and would actually have been an excellent topic for conversation. But we needed to talk about things very different from nebulas. What I had on my mind was by far more important. I could feel the heat emanating from him, and his delicate, slightly spicy scent, sent a shiver down my spine. Finally I spoke. I've been dreaming. He turned his eyes from the nebula to me and lifted one eyebrow slightly, still not speaking, waiting for me to continue. For a second I didn't know why I was doing this. No matter how vivid my dreams might have been, that was probably all they were, dreams. But also I knew there was something more going on here and I had to talk to him about it. I've been dreaming... of you... and, in a way also of me... The words weren't coming easy to me. He turned to face me and I was looking up into dark, unreadable eyes. Finally he spoke. I knew this might happen, he said. Do you remember the incident on the shuttlecraft two moths ago? Of course I remembered. During an away mission a panel exploded in my face, and if it had not been for him I probably would have died right there. But by giving me some of his own strength he kept me alive until we were back on the ship. During this incident, he said, I preformed a light mind-meld on you to help you fight the pain until you were safe back in sickbay, and the dreams you have experienced are an effect of this temporary bond. A kind of telepathic residue if you like. I turned my gaze to his hands, admiring those strong, slender fingers, remembering how they had felt on my face that time. I also remembered what I still believe was a hint of fear in his eyes as my life were hanging from a thin thread of hope. I had to fight the impulse to reach up to touch his face. For the past two moths all I had been able to think about was how it would feel like to touch him. The dreams had been wonderful and strange. More passionate than anything I could have ever imagined, but also filled with frustration and loneliness stronger than anything I had ever felt before. In these dreams I was never able to differentiate his feelings from my own. Emotions and sensations blended into a blur.  
  
I am not sure if I can break this bond, he said, but if that is your wish I will do anything in my power to make it so. Break this bond? Was that what I really wanted? Was that what HE wanted? It was confusing and frustrating, yes, but did I really wish to end it? To never have these dreams again might actually be worse then having them. I looked up again to meet his eyes. First of all I just want to understand it. Then we can discuss what to do about it. We stood in silence for a long time. I tried to read his always-unreadable features for clues about his thoughts. His feelings that I knew were there even if he never would admit it. Not to me, and never to himself. I held my breath for a moment before I decided to speak again. I can make my own conclusions. But they may be wrong, and it would be better for both of us if you could answer my questions truthfully.  
  
He nodded as a confirmation and closed his eyes momentarily. Then his eyes met mine again. I knew what I had to ask. The dreams were in fact an effect of a telepathic bond with him, I knew that now, and I could also see that it was hard for him to stay in complete control even though I had not yet said anything that implied what I was thinking. If he new what I had to say before I said it, didn't that mean it was true? I was almost sure that the feelings in my dreams were actually his. That it was his passion, his loneliness and his. love I had felt. My own emotions were buried almost as deep as his, but still I believed that I could make out a difference. A slight variation of resonance separated his from mine, even in the confusing world that was my dreams. I sat down and signalled for him to do the same. He placed himself on the edge of the couch with his hands resting in his lap. I reached out to put my hand over his, carefully and ready to pull it away if he would not accept it. He accepted. Are you there? In my dreams? I am there. Every time. My first impulse was to say, I'm sorry. For obvious reasons he didn't seem too happy about this fact. But I wasn't sorry. Warmth filled my body and I gave him a smile. I´m glad..  
  
A faint flicker of emotion, so typical for Vulcan's, appeared for a second in his eyes. Relief and a hint of a smile. The first impulse that ran through my body told me to throw myself in his arms and make love to him. To fuck him into oblivion right there in the mess hall. I had always admired him, for his strength, his grace, his dry sense of humour and for that body. I can't count the times I've been stealing glances at it. When he leans over a console and his pants strain over his hips. or that time we were making repairs in one of the narrow Jeffries tubes, and we had to work so close to each other that I could feel every inch of the side of his body against mine. The dreams had only increased the lust I had always felt for him, and now... now I knew that he felt the same. There shouldn't be a problem here, had not been a problem with any other race in the quadrant... But he's a Vulcan. Vulcans don't have casual sex. Vulcans are dead scared of their own emotions, scared of being scared. I can see he's hurting now. He needs time, and so do I, I suppose. He knows now that I know, and after what I will tell him now, the next move will be his. I cannot do this any different. - I'll be here when you need me. I rose to my feet, still with his hand in mine, lifted it to my face and kissed his fingers very lightly, something that drew a breath out of him. Then I left for my quarters to catch some more sleep before my shift. And no dreams came to me.  
  
Later the same day I was standing over a workstation, highly focused on my task when I suddenly felt his presence in the room. I kept my eyes on the screen as I heard him walking straight to me. - I would like to speak to you. Can you meet me in my quarters at 20.00 hours? I turned to him, smiled and nodded my head.  
  
- Of course As he walked out the door my eyes focused on his neckline, and I imagined what it would feel like to kiss him there.  
  
At 19.00 I was pacing my quarters, fiddling with stuff on my desk and repeatedly checking my chronometer. I always do that. Get ready too early, and then become restless. Every time I closed my eyes, pictures of him flared by. That extremely well toned body, with every beautiful muscle perfectly sheeted by brown silky skin. The alluring scent of him, so hot, that turned me on every time he was near. And the depth of him mirrored in his dark wonderful eyes. I shook my head to get myself together. I could not allow myself to get my hopes up. This talk could very well mean a talk where he explained to me why nothing would ever happen between us. Maybe he was about to tell me that despite the distance and significantly weakened bond, he wanted to stay true to his wife. Or maybe, he would lift me up and carry me to bed as soon as I entered the room. I went to change my clothes again. I had gone from uniform, to a tight dress, to casual and now I put my uniform back on again. The uniform is always safe, never wrong onboard a star ship lost in the delta quadrant. After a near eternity my chronometer finally showed 19.57 and I started my slow walk towards the Vulcan's quarters.  
  
- Come When I entered the room, much warmer and darker than my own, Tuvok was standing in the middle of it, wearing a casual Vulcan robe in a deep red colour. Damn! I shouldn't have changed back into uniform. He must have noticed my reaction. - I was under the impression that you understood that I had meant this as an informal meeting. If this makes you uncomfortable.. - No! I interrupted. I'm not uncomfortable. Or, what I meant to say was. but that's... never mind. Just forget about it. I could feel I was blushing like a teenager and Tuvok raised an eyebrow, in amusement or confusion, I don't know. - Would you like something to drink? Wine perhaps? - Yes please. That would probably help. I smiled and took a deep breath. Not until now had I noticed that a bottle of wine and two glasses were set on the low table by the couch in the corner of the room. Thankfully I accepted the glass of wine and sat down. He got a glass for himself and came around the table to join me. We drank the wine in silence, and when he had finished his, he put the glass down and turned to face me. - There is no need to postpone this any further. I have been meditating and thinking since our conversation this morning, and I have come to a decision. Ok, I thought. Here we go. Win or loose, this is it.  
  
- As I told you before, it is my in your dreams, that is my... he halted into silence - Emotions - Yes. As you probably understand this is not easy for me to speak of. I am Vulcan. But under these circumstances it is only logical that I acknowledge my... affection towards you. I am aware of the fact that this was not the most romantic thing he could have said, and that most other women would have taken his comment as an insult. But I knew him better than that, and at that moment, that dry, boring and very Vulcan, term of endearment was all I needed.  
  
I took his hand, and started to kiss it, slowly, finger by finger. He closed his eyes and took a deep, but quiet breath. - I hope you are aware., I said as a pulled my legs up under me, and turned to place my mouth lightly on the soft skin behind his left pointy ear, - ...that humans sometimes require physical contact before they can be sure of their emotions. He tilted his head to the right, still with his eyes closed and his lips slightly parted. Encouraged, I swung my left leg over him, so that I sat in his lap, facing him, and continued to speak. - Casual sex is not always casual, but a way of exploring the emotions you have for someone, and how they feel about you. I ran my fingers through his hair, from his temples to his neck and back again. He looked at me for a long time, then he lifted his hands, that had been resting by his side, to grab me by the hips and said,  
  
- I am aware of this, but you must also be aware that the small bond we already have may grow stronger form this experience. Are you prepared to accept these consequences? I hadn't thought of this before, and he must have felt my hesitation, because he released his grip on me, expecting me to withdraw. I could feel his body tense with disappointment. But I didn't move away. Instead I put my arms around him and leaned forward to rest against his broad chest. He was so hot, several degrees warmer then myself, and I could hear his heart beat at a rate much slower than any humans. With my eyes closed I slowly breathed in the air that surrounded him. Breath after breath filled with his scent and his heat. - What are you doing? He asked, and in my inner eye I could see his eyebrow rising. I smiled. - Shhh... I'm exploring. I could feel the tension in his muscles fade away and he placed a light kiss on my forehead. - Please feel free to explore me for as long as you need. Humor. There it was whether he wanted to admit it or not. There is nothing more liberating and relieving than humour, and with my laughter all of my remaining doubts left me. - I'm sorry. You must understand that I'm almost as afraid of my emotions as Vulcans. Most of all, I'm afraid of getting hurt. But as long as you're here, I'll take any consequences.  
  
Something that resembled a smile touched his eyes. He lifted his hand in the Vulcan greeting, and signalled for me to do the same. He caressed my hand with his fingers and a flow of sensations ran through my body. This light touch seemed to send electrical impulses all through my body and I could feel every part of it react with relaxation and arousal at the same time. - What... - This is the Vulcan equivalent of a kiss. He released my hand, and the loss immediately made me want more. I leaned towards him and kissed him. First very lightly, and when he responded with a low noise, I went deeper. He opened to me and when I lightly bit his lower lip he drew me closer and gave in to the passion of that kiss so long wanted. His hands began to explore my body, from my neck down my back, to my sides and up to my neck again. I could feel his growing erection pressing up against me and I slowly rocked my hips from side to side and let my hands slide in under his silky robe. He tugged at my uniform jacket and ripped it off me with urgency quite inappropriate for a Vulcan. I rose to my feet and unbuttoned my pants, sliding them down my hips in one long motion. Standing in my underwear I held out my hands to him and drew him to his feet. I loosened the fastenings of his robe and let it slide down his shoulders, kissing every part of silky skin that was revealed to me. I worked my way down tasting the salty coppery scent of his beautiful body. It was obvious that he didn't wear anything underneath the robe, and I could see he was fully erect now. I untied the waistband holding it together and went down on my knees. He looked down at me with eyes dimmed with arousal as I placed my hands on his hips and slowly pulled his robe apart by caressing him from the hips and over to his ass. As I took the head of his cock into my mouth he gasped for air. I let my tongue slide up and down his shaft and caressed his balls with one hand and his ass with the other. He grabbed my hair with both hands and tilted his head back as the rate of his breathing increased. I took him into my mouth again, and started sucking. I could feel him fighting for control as I kept sucking harder and faster. Suddenly he pulled back and lifted me to my feet. Without a word he picked me up and placed me back down on his bed. He placed himself over me with the grace of a feline, not allowing any part of his body to touch mine, and let his tongue slide from between my breast up to the point of my chin. He nibbled my lower lip and then licked his way downwards again. When he reached my breasts he ripped my bra open with a force that almost frightened me, and paused for a moment at the sight. His tongue then circled my nipple for a while before he took it info his mouth. When he gave my other breast the same attention I pushed my hips upwards to him, but he deprived me of me that stimulation by moving away. His tongue kept circling my breast, my stomach and finally he reached the edge of my panties. I had chosen underwear in a very sheer, soft material and by now they were just as wet on the outside as on the inside. He placed his face between my legs and gave my sex a gentle kiss with the sheer wet material as the only barrier. Once again I lifted my hips trying to get more stimulation, and once again he pulled away and started pulling my panties down my hips. The cool air increased my arousal, and I begged for him to touch me. He placed his palm on my sex and applied some pressure. I had never been this horny in my life, and started rocking my hips seeking satisfaction. But by now he was apparently determined to stay in control and pressed me down on to the bed with both hands. I didn't stand a chance against his superior strength, and I let an angry breath out between my teeth to make him aware of my displeasure and need for satisfaction. When I finally felt his tongue between my folds I cried out. If you stop again, I swear I'll kill you! This time he didn't stop, and he let his hot tongue slide over my clitoris, down to my opening and back up again, applying more pressure every time. My hips were still resolutely pressed down to the bed, and I was completely dependent on him for fulfilment, which aroused me even further. When he finally released me, to slide a finger inside me I came with a cry that should have woken up everyone in the neighbouring quarters if it had not been for the soundproofing.  
  
I lay panting on the bed as he, gracefully as always, placed his body on top of mine and kissed me. I felt the taste of my own sex, and his still rock hard erection against my thigh and realized I was still aroused. A most fascinating experience, to still be horny after such a mind-shattering orgasm. It is not you. He said. It is me you're feeling now. I looked into his eyes, and behind the shadows of his arousal I could suddenly see it all. The sorrow he felt over the lost bond to his wife, the pain of not being able to be there for his children. And the love that he kept for me. Our minds were not one, not yet, but the bond was apparently strong enough to let me understand, and to feel what he was feeling. I kissed him and wrapped my arms around him, and as he lightly touched my face an image of my self standing on my knees and elbows flashed before my eyes. Realizing that this was what he wanted I eased him off me and turned around. The curve of my ass fitted perfectly in his groin and the feeling of him being this close added my own arousal to his. He noticed this as well, because he stopped teasing his cock around my opening and entered with his full length. Oh, it felt so good. Trough my own haze I could hear him breathing heavily and he grabbed both of my breasts as he fucked me with increasing insistence. He filled me up completely and perfectly, like we were made for each other and I remember thinking that I never wanted it to end. One of his hands found its way in between my legs, and as he started to massage my swollen nub I screamed with pleasure. This connection, allowing us to feel some of the sensations experienced by the other, pushed him into orgasm and at his first spasm he drew me with him. During this moment I could see, and feel, everything that was him and in return I opened my mind to him, allowing him to see every secret I had ever kept. I shared it all with him, from my innermost fears and regrets to the greatest joys in my life, and this utter sincerity made me feel more secure than I had ever felt before.  
  
The dim light in the room made his brown skin shimmer as I lay beside him, watching him sleep. His face was tranquil, and I had never seen him look so peaceful before. I reached out and let a finger trail along his jaw line. He woke up, turned over and kissed me. Now you know the full consequences, he said. Yes, I smiled, I know the consequences. And you do not regret it? My only regret is that I didn't get to see your face when you came. He raised an eyebrow at me and took one of my fingers into his mouth. Well, that can be arranged. 


End file.
